Militantplatypus

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Posted to Craig’s List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize. I didn’t expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,and it wasn’t that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?

It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I
couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink “pimp mobile” parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky….

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto…… an armed society is a polite society!
via keith

Many shops have prices set just under a round figure, e.g. $9.99 instead of $10.00 or $99.95 instead of $100.00 . It is assumed that this is done because the price seems lower to the consumer. But this is not the reason the practice started. What was the original reason for this pricing method?
Find out after the jump

Uncross your feet/legs
and take off your left hand from your face

A good haircut is like a seat on the subway in the morning:

It’s great when I get one, but I’ve given up on hoping for it, and am used to functioning without it.

Fonts are like cologne:

A bad choice speaks louder than a good one

Shopping at Ikea is like returning to therapy:

It feels like the right thing to to do, but then you get there and realize you aren’t adequately emotionally prepared.

blankislikeblank.com/

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger? This is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.

• Thumb represents your Parents
• Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
• Middle finger represents your-Self
• Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
• & the Last (Little) finger represents your children

First, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together – back to back. Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb – tip to tip (As shown in the figure below):

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents), they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Go ahead, join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings), they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children), they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring finger (representing your spouse)
You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT, because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives – through thick and thin!!

Straight up copied from althafahmed.com

This exchange was copied from:
http://www.computerforum.com/88382-how-many-gb-would-one-file-cabinet-hold.html

[11:12] My Friend: I need to slow down
[11:12] Me: O_o
[11:13] My Friend: I’ve just used 30 gig’s of storage space on music
[11:13] Me: Meh, that’s what you have me for.
[11:14] My Friend: YES!! I can delete my 30 gigs and make you sing me the song I want to hear?
[11:14] Me: Yes. Or I can supply you with all of your storage needs.
[11:14] My Friend: like a filing cabinet?
[11:15] Me: Yes
[11:15] Me: You can print off all of your data in binary and save in it a cabinet
[11:16] My Friend: weak
[11:16] My Friend: how much does that hold?
[11:16] Me: Does what?
[11:16] Me: A cabinet?
[11:16] My Friend: fo sho
[11:16] My Friend: is there like 60 gigs?
[11:16] Me: Lemme calculate
[11:17] My Friend: are you serious?
[11:17] Me: Yes
[11:17] My Friend: do it.
[11:18] Me: Well, we can say that the average song is 4MB
[11:18] My Friend: agreed
[11:18] My Friend: unless it’s a Skillet song..cause their like 7, 8MB
[11:19] Me: 4MB = 33554432 bits
[11:20] Me: One bit would be a 1 or 0
[11:20] My Friend: DUDE
[11:20] My Friend: I just finished my 30.5 GB file of 277 hip hop albums
[11:20] Me: One printed page hold approx 6460 characters
[11:22] Me: So one song would take 5194 pages
[11:22] My Friend: so..for time’s sake..we’re looking at about a .4 gig file cabinet
[11:23] Me: Doubtful
[11:24] Me: Average paper is 24lb/ream or .0048″ per sheet
[11:26] Me: So, we’re looking at about 25″ of space needed for one song
[11:27] Me: Looking at my file cabinet of average thickness, I would say that one drawer is about 18″ deep
[11:28] Me: And the average file cabinet has 4 drawers
[11:28] Me: So we’re talking 72″ of space
[11:29] Me: Or 2.89 songs per cabinet
[11:29] Me: So one cabinet holds about 11.55MB of space
[11:30] My Friend: lol, holy ****
[11:30] Me: Or, about .01128GB
[11:30] Me: Satisfied?
[11:31] My Friend: what if I wanted 30 seconds of the songs
[11:32] Me: Well, you’d have to put in some tabs
[11:32] Me: that way you could just flip to your favorite part of the song
[11:33] My Friend: good call

This sentence is interesting in that if you say the sentence seven times, each time placing the emphasis on a different word, the meaning of the sentence shifts.

Try it…

• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.
• I Didn’t Say You Stole My Money.